The Purpose of Loneliness
Technology is increasing social anxiety and depression. How might we use these feelings as a signal for our own state of being as well as a collective response to society at large. A check engine light of sort. “Amidst the glossiness of late capitalism, we are fed the notion that all difficult feeling—depression, anxiety, loneliness, rage—are simply a consequence of unsettled chemistry, a problem to be fixed, rather than a response to structural injustice.”
Hi Love,
these last days of the year seem to trigger all sorts of feelings. More than one major media outlet has done a story on loneliness. It is the season. It also should come as no surprise to anyone that technology and excessive work are major contributors to the spread of social isolation. What is interesting is that we might use these feelings as a signal flare for our own state of being as well as a collective response to society at large. A check engine light of sort. “Amidst the glossiness of late capitalism, we are fed the notion that all difficult feeling—depression, anxiety, loneliness, rage—are simply a consequence of unsettled chemistry, a problem to be fixed, rather than a response to structural injustice.” (Olivia Laing, Lonely City)
Unlike other social ills, our small individual actions can have a measurable impact. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. No, do not send a tweet or draft an email but pick up the phone and call. It needs to be low on tech and high on the personal touch. And for those of you who are overachievers, organize a dinner. By reinforcing our own social network IRL and encouraging others in our network to do the same we start to create more resiliency and add sparkles of light in what could be a deep dark night. Pay it forward and let it ripple onward. Society is a collective construct. We are continuously making and breaking and remaking it. It's time to see the mechanic!
If you are in the Pittsburg area, check out Hello Neighbor, they pair hosts with newly settled refugee families to show them around and essentially be a good neighbor to those who are far away from their homeland. The Difference provides on-demand access to therapy as an Alexa Skill, which means you can simply shout at your Alexa enabled device and get added to a queue to speak with a train professional in as quick as 30 minutes. Since we are deep in helpful resources, remember there is always the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and The Trevor Project which is created for LGBTQ youth.
Sending you much light and love --- You are not alone!
Charlie
IDEAS YOU CAN STEAL
Continuing with the theme this week, check out:
How to connect with depressed friends.
WORTH A READ
Olivia Laing, The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone. This brilliant book as a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism and named best book of the year (2016) by NPR, Newsweek, Slate, Pop Sugar, Marie Claire, Elle, Publishers Weekly, and Lit Hub
It is a biography/memoir/cultural criticism on the subject of loneliness, told through the lives of iconic artists. It is a meander and you have to clear some time to go with Ms Laing on this journey, oh it is so worth it. It's a gorgeous insightful read irrespective to your current state of being.
WANDERLUST
For weekly readers, you already know Cairo is up next followed by Patagonia. For those of you who pop in every here and there, I will be speaking at NEXUS Cairo on informal education for refugees in the MENA region followed by El Chalten for my 40th birthday. There is a corner in our house that is slowly gathering a collection of outdoor gears in anticipation for Patagonia. I'm looking forward to both very much. If you've been to Cairo since Arab Spring or Patagonia, let me know. Love to hear your thoughts on either or both.
DON'T MISS
A chance to be a family's personal paparazzi, earn $100K and travel the world all expense paid. A friend sent it along and I thought I would share it with you. I would have been all over it in 2013-14 but less so now.
At Home. An exquisite photo essay by California Sunday Magazine with an accompanying exhibit at Aperture gallery in NYC.
2018 Fruitcake Redemption Contest hosted by Kitchen Arts and Letters. I'm so curious I'm about to play hookey and go check this out.
Grumpy? 7 tips on what to do.
CSR is the business strategy for 2019. TOMS and Gun Safety is only the beginning of what could be an impressive shift in how we market and how corporations demonstrate values. But the trick is always in step two of the process —- what happens after the splashy campaign and the big PR announcement?
Hi Love,
Do you ever get annoyed for no reason? Or annoyed because of a nearly nothing reason? These four days of Thanksgiving weekends are full of opportunities for these nearly nothing bits of annoyance to pop up and ruin your day.
I got annoyed on Friday. I suspect I woke up that way and with the annoyance lens on, it was an uphill battle to shift into something neutral, god forbid something sweeter. Here are some of my go-to tricks when the day is such:
1. Eat. Maybe I'm hungry.
2. Nap. Tried and true with a 90% success rate. And fewer calories too.
3/4. A brisk walk with headphone in/Yoga. Great options and it will burn off some of the calories from option one but it just is not something I choose with frequency. I should. But I don't.
5. Lay down on the grass. I meant to take a walk around Central Park but the first nice patch of grass is so inviting...a little from option two and a little from three. It grounds me, the body, the earth, and letting go.
6. Shower. Maybe I literally need to wash the ick off.
7. Distraction. A good plot to lose myself in to stop thinking about how annoyed I am.
This is the fourth installment of these weekly love notes. How are you liking it? Useful? Amusing? Inspiring? Let me know how you are finding it and what you would like more of.
I am so grateful that you are here with me.
Love,
Charlie
IDEAS YOU CAN STEAL
I've got a few interesting things for you this week.
1. Polarity Management.
I'm going through Acumen's Leadership Training Program and how to manage opposing view was the topic this week. It's based on Barry Johnson's book and the core idea is "polarity is not a problem to be solved but a system of energy to be managed."
It's pretty dense and we were only got through the top line idea in a two-hour session. This work holds strong resonance in this political climate. It's heated. It's divisive. Each side edges towards a zero-sum game. Under Johnson's premise, instead of one side eviscerating the other and we keep taking turns doing that, we manage the polarity with early warning signs and corresponding corrective measures. If we catch it early then the correction doesn't need to be huge. More importantly, the polarity quadrant Johnson lays out reminds us that we have a shared goal in this tug-a-war, that greater good --- whatever it may be, and everything we do should be in service of the big picture.
2. How to Turn Around a Sinking Ship?
Victoria Secret has come under a lot of criticisms of late, leading to a CEO resignation. I got off the train at Herald Square, a station that covered in Victoria Secret advertisement and I wondered what I would do to save the brand (if it was up to me). It felt daunting, suddenly I had it. An idea for an ad campaign that would be the first step in rehabilitating a brand that has failed to generate excitement for the past decade.
The ads would feature the top tier models as it has done except you would only see their head, shoulder, and legs. Their midsection, where the product lives, is covered up in the ad, the copy would say, "Curious to see what I have on? Not without my consent."
It would create a splash and get them a lot of free media. It addresses where we are culturally in this moment and stops pretending like it doesn't have a role to play. It takes a stand, which some business fear and see as risky, but let's be real. It's not a political position such as TOMS and Gun Safety. It's a relative mild position that says consent is important and rape is bad. I think we can all get on board with that.
This is the easy part. To come up with fun, splashy campaigns, you need a good pulse on what is going on culturally, understand the critique of the brand, then start at the complete opposite end of the spectrum of the status quo and start brainstorming. This method is effective for idea generating in all areas, not just for ad campaigns for major brands.
The hard part is what comes after. An ad is a new dress. It doesn't make you skinnier or kinder or smarter or wealthier. You can build towards it from the outside in, a la Method Acting, or you can do it from the inside out, a la Stanislovsky. Both works.
WORTH A READ
Love and Ruin: Tales of Obsession, Danger, and Heartbreak from The Atavist Magazine. An incredible collection of long-form essays. Impeccable writers; brilliant stories. I've been slowly making my way through the collection, savoring one story at a time, between books, slightly dreading the day when I flip to the last page of the last story. One of my favorite essays is "52 Blue." It is about a whale that sings at a frequency that few whales sing at, he's lonely and can't attract a mate at this frequency. The whale becomes an embodiment of loneliness and attracts fandom worldwide. Long-form essays are time-consuming to read and it's a lovely way to slow down in a fast-paced endless news cycle world.
WANDERLUST
Thank you for your four-season tent suggestions. I've landed on Sierra Design Convert 2. J and I will be gearing up over the next few weeks and get ready to celebrate my 40th trip around the sun at the edge of the world!
DON'T MISS
I actually missed it. Keep an eye out for a play, "What the Constitution Means to Me." It got rave reviews here in NYC and had an extended run. I would be surprised if it doesn't show up in LA, Chicago or London next.